i wake somewhere before or after noon on january 1st. and because i was an idiot and didn't fully charge my phone before leaving on my new year's eve adventures, my phone was dead and i was too tired and quasi-drunk to charge it before i fell asleep. (although it wasn't until i returned home that my phone died.) but upon charging it whilst i got myself acquainted with the feeling that i was in an entirely different year than the night before (although i am a firm-ish believer in the fact that time is a social concept), my phone burst to life and notification after notification appeared on my screen. snapchat, instagram, and two text messages. the first, from a dear friend and ethereal fairy. the second, a person i was hoping to leave in 2016. (again, time is a social concept, but it's fun and slightly more comforting to have the 'new year, new me' mindset.)
i briefly contemplated responding, and only ended up doing so to the former. whilst contemplating, i scrolled through twitter, and i came across a tweet from rhiannon mcgavin (youtuber, shakespeare fan, los angeles' youth poet laureate, actual mermaid) saying: "need i even say it, happy new year! don't text them". i never thought it would ever be relevant, but it turns out, it's more relevant than ever. throughout 2016, i found myself finding solace and comfort in this person that, though i once proclaimed my love for them, ended up being more toxic than they were good for me. i'm no believer in new year's resolutions, but in 2017, i'm going to so find solace in myself and the people that care about me. not the people who are allured by my flowery words or the way i bat my eyes when i was probably just blinking. not people who are entranced by the color of my skin and the shape of my thighs. i've never had a close group of friends, but if junior year has taught me anything besides grammar and the unit circle, is that i'm apart of a team that's bigger than myself, and i didn't even realize it. on the note of new year's resolutions, i would simply like to have routine in my life. i would like to have a time for homework, a time for brushing my teeth, a time for showers, a time for washing my face, a time to feed my cat, a time to wash my hair, a time to clean my room, a time to sleep; and if i can organize myself in such a way, maybe 2017 won't be so bad.
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