(day two) today i woke up late and even though i said i wouldn't eat breakfast, i did have a lil' something before my workout! i had a crêpe with nutella and a sliced peach. today's workout was quite the hoot! i began with a stretch (with aaptiv) that targeted my shoulders, hip flexors, and my hamstrings. i then proceeded to do some work on my legs/butt. i did a short core emom (every minute on the minute) workout (with aaptiv) that included mountain climbers, planks, crunches, toe touches, and flutter kicks. then i did a (beginner, because i totally wimped out on an advanced one) elliptical workout that had me sweating! for (late) lunch, i had chicken with goat cheese, zucchini, mushrooms, and sweet potato fries! (so good, so filling! to be quite honest, i'm feeling some discomfort and i can't tell if it's hunger or if it's cramps.) my body hurts like a mf but i feel so good! after lunch, i did some organizing, cleaning, and i even did the dishes! i finished a lot more college stuff than i anticipated, so i'll probably do more until i get hungry. after dinner (which will probably be chicken with goat cheese and sweet potato fries and red pepper), i'm going to work on some embroidery for a while. then i'm going to go to bed and start on my summer reading. i am so happy with my productivity!
while this is already excessively long, i just wanted to talk about one more topic before i go. a while back, my ex (yes, that ex) contacted me and we facetimed, clearing up whatever there was between us. after that, we didn't talk again. a few days ago, he texted me 'hi'. harmless, right? i didn't answer. why? part of me becoming my best self is surrounding myself with creative, kind, supportive, positive, and open-minded people. for a time, i thought of him as a positive force in my life. it's taken me a long time to decide that he is not what i thought he was, and it's taken me a long time to make peace with the fact that he left my life. yesterday, he unblocked me from instagram and followed me and he added me on snapchat (i didn't follow or add him back.). he's a great guy, but i do not want him in my life anymore. he chose to leave, so i get to choose if i let him back in. for a long time, i used to hate him. any mention of him used to make my heart break and my blood boil. but on this journey of becoming my best self, i have made it a goal to not hold any hate for anyone in my heart. as dodie said in her veda video today, why should you feel pain and jealousy and hurt towards someone you used to love? so i no longer feel hateful towards him, but i do love myself more to know that he is no longer a positive force in my life; therefore, he does not deserve to be in my life anymore.
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here we are again...
poetry rest in the mourning - r.h. sin fiction 1984 - george orwell the metamorphosis - franz kafka madame bovary - gustave flaubert this is quite a hefty list, compiled over a lazy (and far too long) winter break. i also took the time to scour goodread's best of 2016 as well as that from ibooks, so what originally began as a tiny list...
poetry leaf - rhiannon mcgavin la doleur exquise - j. r. rogue the princess saves herself in this one - amanda lovelace fiction vanishing girls - lauren oliver our mutual friend - charles dickens eligible: a modern retelling of pride and prejudice - curtis sittenfield the girls - emma cline lilac girls - martha hall kelly the swans of fifth avenue - melanie benjamin nonfiction survival of the prettiest: the science of beauty - nancy etcoff pain: the science and culture of why we hurt - marni jackson the romanovs: 1613-1918 - simon sebag montefiore first women - kate anderson brower rise of the rocket girls - nathalia holt all the single ladies - rebecca traister white trash- nancy isenberg hidden figures - margot lee shetterly i wake somewhere before or after noon on january 1st. and because i was an idiot and didn't fully charge my phone before leaving on my new year's eve adventures, my phone was dead and i was too tired and quasi-drunk to charge it before i fell asleep. (although it wasn't until i returned home that my phone died.) but upon charging it whilst i got myself acquainted with the feeling that i was in an entirely different year than the night before (although i am a firm-ish believer in the fact that time is a social concept), my phone burst to life and notification after notification appeared on my screen. snapchat, instagram, and two text messages. the first, from a dear friend and ethereal fairy. the second, a person i was hoping to leave in 2016. (again, time is a social concept, but it's fun and slightly more comforting to have the 'new year, new me' mindset.)
i briefly contemplated responding, and only ended up doing so to the former. whilst contemplating, i scrolled through twitter, and i came across a tweet from rhiannon mcgavin (youtuber, shakespeare fan, los angeles' youth poet laureate, actual mermaid) saying: "need i even say it, happy new year! don't text them". i never thought it would ever be relevant, but it turns out, it's more relevant than ever. throughout 2016, i found myself finding solace and comfort in this person that, though i once proclaimed my love for them, ended up being more toxic than they were good for me. i'm no believer in new year's resolutions, but in 2017, i'm going to so find solace in myself and the people that care about me. not the people who are allured by my flowery words or the way i bat my eyes when i was probably just blinking. not people who are entranced by the color of my skin and the shape of my thighs. i've never had a close group of friends, but if junior year has taught me anything besides grammar and the unit circle, is that i'm apart of a team that's bigger than myself, and i didn't even realize it. on the note of new year's resolutions, i would simply like to have routine in my life. i would like to have a time for homework, a time for brushing my teeth, a time for showers, a time for washing my face, a time to feed my cat, a time to wash my hair, a time to clean my room, a time to sleep; and if i can organize myself in such a way, maybe 2017 won't be so bad. for as long as i can remember, i've had long hair. it's been an integral part of my life and my identity for the past sixteen years. however, as any person with obscenely long hair can tell you, having long hair is hard. not only is maintenance difficult, but it gets stuck in things, it's heavy...i could literally go on and on! nevertheless, i've always loved my long hair. there was something about it that made me want to keep it forever and just keep growing it out, as i knew that having long hair was just simply a solid look for me. i had an arsenal of hairstyles for my long hair, a practiced repertoire of coiffures as a result of experimentation in eighth grade. during the drive to the salon, i thought about this sacrifice, of how i spent hours with my fingers tangled in my tresses, only to chop it off. at least it was for charity. i figured, if i was going to cut off all of that hair, i should give it to someone who doesn't have the luxury of deciding between long hair and short hair. boy, were the hairdressers excited to see me. as soon as i told regina of my intent to donate my hair, she was instantly giddy with excitement. she was particularly excited to cut my hair, considering it was "virgin" hair, or hair that has never been colored or heavily treated. furthermore, it wasn't damaged by heat, considering my hair is naturally straight (....i know) and i hate blow drying because it takes (or took) that long. i don't want to toot my own horn, but my hair is every donation center's dream donation. (toot toot.) i'm surprised that regina didn't ask me a bajillion times if i was sure that i wanted to do it. because i was born and raised a catholic, i was never really into putting my heart and soul into the power of astrology. i just like reading it, because it's, you know, interesting. so while i was reading my horoscope, it told me that, for a successful 2017, i should be more spontaneous. and i suppose this is as spontaneous as it gets. it's weird to wake up with significantly less hair than the morning before, but hey, (almost) new year, new hair, new me. for some fortunate reason, i cannot sleep. so here is a compilation of books that i've discovered and/or collected in december of 2016 that i want to read (and/or finish...eventually).
poetry milk and honey - rupi kaur dirty pretty things and bitter sweet love - michael faudet love and misadventure, lullabies, memories, and the universe of us - lang leav fiction pride and prejudice - jane austen anna karenina - leo tolstoy diary of an oxygen theif - anonymous dare me - megan abbott paris for one - jojo moyes nonfiction coco chanel: the legend and the life - justine picardie how to be parisian wherever you are - anne berest, audrey diwan, sophie mas, caroline de maigret it is almost 2017. isn't that terrifying? i am almost seventeen. that's terrifying. i have many things to do over the next two weeks, such as, but not limited to: sat prep (sidenote: i'm terrified for my scores to come out.), making a business portfolio, driver's ed, coding an app, reading two books and writing essays on them ("get some rest over the break" -my beloved english teacher), and just genrally getting my life together. and of course, what do i do instead of all of the above? i make a blog/website/hole in the internet in which i pour my innermost thoughts.
so here we are, five days away from christmas, eleven days away from 2017, eighteen days away from my seventeenth birthday, twenty-four days away from my school's first non-prom formal (and the day that one of my essays is due, and the day that the aforementioned business portfolio is due), and thirty-one days away from the inauguration of a cheeto. january is already so busy, oh my! in the meantime, enjoy the archive of poetry. let's see how 2017 goes. |
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december 2016 |